How I thought it would be, and how it is....

Landon starts kindergarten tomorrow. I cannot believe it. After the open house, we got a little packet to fill out about him. On one of the pages we need to past a family photo....we don't have one. It got me to thinking about how different this is. More differnt then I ever thought. When we got married and had Landon, so many dreams were there. Born fresh with our new life together.

I wanted to be a stay at home mom. And I was for the first few years. I wanted to be able to be home everyday when they got out of school. I was ready to be married to my best friend and show my son's how to love and what love is. We would have our nice little home, and eat dinners together and all talk about our days. When the kids went to bed, me and my husband would talk about our life. Plan our next family vacation, or just watch a movie.

As it is, I am the farthest thing from a stay at home mom. I work full time, and then some.but when Im not working I have the boys every second I can. Chris has decided to give me full custody. he is going to only have them Friday & Saturday nights. We are trying to make a more stable routine for the boys.He is in a  new relationship right now and I am forbidden to talk about it because he doesn't want anyone to find out who it is. I think that is a little funny. But because of the new relationship he is taking the boys less and less. They are starting to really miss him. I am doing the same as I did when I first left. I am being consistent and there. I may not be the parent that they want to talk to at a certain time, or see. But I am here and I'm not leaving. As Chris makes these choices that are hurting them, I am there with open arms and loving hands. It's all I know to do.

The dreams that I had arn't coming true in the way that I thought that they would. They are evolving into better ones! I have found strength that I never knew I had. I work hard and I love hard. Those boys are my world! And is it lonely? yep. it is. I wont sacrifice my moments with them to be with someone else.